Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?

In the mysterious land of Verana, in a small village called Torneth, therein lies one baby, one baby that could forever change the fate of Verana as we know it. The small infant is lying alone in his bed made of Hay when the sky turns a mysterious purple color and the night air becomes thick with the smell of burnt ashes. A big purple asteroid whistles through the night sky. The little baby looks out of his bedroom window as the asteroid nears the log cabin in which he stays. The mother and father of the baby are sleeping in their bedrooms, alone, when they smell the burnt ashes. They walk outside in order to determine where this mysterious smoke is coming from. They gaze into the Lone Man's Woods, south of their cabin, with the baby in their arms when suddenly they look up....



A big purple asteroid is approaching with great speed! They run back into the house but just as they were running down into theur underground basement it is too late. The asteroid crashes with a deafening, loud, booming sound with great impact into their log cabin. Wood is everywhere, clothes torn and burnt, the parents lay, amid the rubble, dead. The mother holding the baby tight in her arms. There is very little life in her. The father lies dead beside her.



Many other villagers walk outside of their log cabins, covering theri noses and mouths and fanning away the smoke that resides from the comet. The mother breathes steadily but very little. A mysterious man, middle aged, walks up to the asteroid and destroyed log cabin where the mother and baby lay. Many villagers begin to do so also but the man wards them away. The mother,eyes barely open, breathing with small, quick gasps, looks up at the man with tears in her brown, deepset eyes. The man gazes down at the woman, he then looks at the baby. Misty tears fill his eyes as he notices that the is alive. The mother gazes up at the stars and at the baby. She names him with a soft voice:



%26quot;Liafen......%26quot; says the mother. %26quot;Yes....that is beautiful...%26quot; She closes her eyes, sets her face in a smile, and taking her very last breathe, she dies.



The old man takes the baby out of the womans hands. He stares down at the baby as he cuddles and rocks the small infant in his arms. The baby has brown hair with brown eyes. He examines the baby carefully, every finger, every toe, he turns the baby over and looks at the baby's back. His eyes widen, there on the baby's back is a mysterious purple mark that resembles the shape of a half-crescent moon, purple, shining brightly. There is something strangely familiar about the symbol...



The man gazes at the asteroid and looks up at the chilly, night sky. The smell of fresh pine resinates from the Lone Man's forest as the scent is gently carried with the breeze. He wraps the baby in a blanket and takes him inside of his house. He comes outside and looks at the parents, lying dead in the heap of wood, he takes a medium sized stick from the ground and puts his hand over the stick. The stick catches fire....The villagers stare in awe. Wondering how this common man lit a fire without flint or logs. He walks over to the parents of the baby and looks solemnly down at them and says in Veranish:



%26quot;Su deeth remanar on vu hearth.%26quot; (May peace forever remain in your heart) He says in Veranish and thows the lit stick on the heap of rubble. The parents burn amist the rubble. He and the villagers walk away slowly.



A new dawn has begun...He says to himself....Finally there is hope.





Liafen:Land of Verana: Book One. And so it begins...



Male: Seventeen: Writer. Hope to finish it the book by April!Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
A lot of your sentences are redundant in their descriptions (%26quot;big purple%26quot; %26quot;burnt ashes%26quot; %26quot;mysterious%26quot;). Switch around your adjectives -- not to mention, many of them are very elementary sounding. As a rule, you should avoid killers like %26quot;big%26quot; %26quot;small%26quot; %26quot;nice%26quot; %26quot;mean%26quot;, etc. etc.



The flow of your narrative is also a bit choppy. Make the prose flow. I can't help you with that, that can only come from practice.



Remember to keep your tenses consistent. For example:



%26quot;They run back into the house but just as they [[were]] running down into theur underground basement it is too late.%26quot;



Not to mention there are lots of petty misspelled words and grammar errors here and there. Proofread before you ask for a second opinion.



So far, this sounds like a moderately well written fanfiction. Keep practicing. I don't think you're ready to publish a novel.



Good luck.Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
I'm so sorry I got bored at the first sentence... It sounded so ordinary and it didn't interest me to read it.



I just didn't find it interesting at all- but keep at it and prove me wrong it might be because I'm tired. Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
The asteroid killed it!!!!!!!Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
Sorry got to second para and it just did nothing for me.Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
Hugely bloated and overwritten. Obviously you 'see' this, but you're using way too many words, some poorly chosen, to describe it.



Do a word count, then rewrite it a full 1/3 shorter. 1/2 would be even better.



Don't think you can? I beg to differ.



Pulled at random, your original paragraph:

The old man takes the baby out of the womans hands. He stares down at the baby as he cuddles and rocks the small infant in his arms. The baby has brown hair with brown eyes. He examines the baby carefully, every finger, every toe, he turns the baby over and looks at the baby's back. His eyes widen, there on the baby's back is a mysterious purple mark that resembles the shape of a half-crescent moon, purple, shining brightly. There is something strangely familiar about the symbol... (88 words)



The same paragraph, tightened:

The old man lifts the baby from her hands, staring into its brown eyes as he cradles it. He examines every finger and toe, the brown hair, and turns it over. His eyes widen at the purple half-crescent gleaming on its back. The symbol is strangely familiar... (47 words)

Writing Fantasy Book!!! What do you think so far? Good start?!!!?
it is really good but in the first paragraph you say that the baby lays in hay bed..yet he look out throuhg his window....other wise it REALLY good...and if you get it published please let me know.



Hope this helps

Jazz

xx



;]