OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?

I am only 13 and when I was 11-12 (cant remember) I started writing this. I guess I forgot about it so I stopped writing it. I found it in my bookshelf and decided to post it to see if you guys like it. Is it good enough to continue on?

Remember I am only 13 so if you guys can help me with it that would be helpful... Also can you rate it out of 10 and tell me what can be fixed?







Prologue



We ran to the edge of the cliff only to be cornered. The hunters had us now. I knew we would die here. No one’s powers could help us. Could they? I looked over to see her porcelain face as a tear ran down it and she screamed, “RUN!”







Things couldn’t get any worse. Leah and Jay had called me over again just to give me bad news.



“Hey Kendra can you come over here? Leah urged me.



“What’s the scoop?” I said smiling.



My blonde curly hair blew as Jay turned the fan on. My blue eyes shimmered to the screen as I looked at the computer. Leah was always bubbly, and that’s why I loved her. She had brown straight hair to her hips, which made her all the more gorgeous and green eyes! Although we weren’t sisters, we were “blood sisters” to each other.



We were both Vamps. But Jay was different; he was the weirdest one I had ever met. He was a Vamp and a Werewolf. Yes I did say Werewolf. We aren’t your average group of friends.



Jay had pointed to the screen, “look, I told you” he looked excited. Since he was correct for once.



“So the hunters are out there? Wait but where are they?” I questioned this a lot.



“Right outside Las Vegas!” I looked over at Jay’s face but stared at his long blonde hair and brown eyes. He was gorgeous, But also a hybrid. Ew.



“Wait there that close?”



“What’s wrong about that?” Leash asked. She was still new to our family. It use to just be me and Jay. Until we found Leah in an abandon house. She was all alone and scared. She had no clue what she was. But one thing’s for sure, she thirsted for blood. So she hid away from everyone.



Jay looked at Leah and blurted. “What’s wrong, what’s wrong? Leah, they want to kill us! I am the first hybrid, and you two are the only Vamps with gifts no one has dreamed about!”



I glared at Jay as he put down his head and whispered a very quiet sorry. Leah only looked confused.



“My power, you said all Vamps get these ‘Gifts!”



“Yes we do” I said, “But not as extraordinary!”



“What do you mean Kendra? I don’t understand.”



“Well you have the power to control death! You can read minds and you can sense someone coming! Don’t you think they want that?”



“Yea and?” Leah said in a hardy tone.



Jay cut in, “a normal Vamp can be super strong, smell and hear something more than 10 miles away, and sometimes even run faster than the speed of light!”



“Well” Leah said “I’m not the only one here with these gifts, as you put it! Kendra you can make someone’s worst fear come true, you can shape shift, and you can change the future!”



“Yeah, yeah I know.”



“To top that off you both have powers a normal Vamp would have!” Jay said.



“But why do the hunters want, us?” Leah asked.



“We don’t know exactly but, we do know that we need to keep moving. They may not be here in Las Vegas, but we----My voice stopped as I looked at the computer. I looked at the pictures of the hunters; there was one girl I knew.



“What are you staring at?” Jay asked in a concerned voice.



I pointed to the girl. Jay growled and Leah stood there confused.



“Who is she? Who is that girl?” Leah was shocked to see how Jay reacted.



“Nikki” Jay growled.



“Who’s she?”



“She use to be one of us,” I said “Before she turned to a hunter.”



“Wait you know her?” Leah was shocked. I nodded my head and walked away to the kitchen of the apartment. I couldn’t believe she was in this clan. The one that was trying to kill us. I looked over at Leah who was still looking at the computer. Her face was still in awe.



“Hey Kendra, come here. Please” Leah wanted so bad to help me. So I walked over to her.



“So is this Nikki girl a Vamp like us?”



“No not really, she was a Vamp but now a hunter.” I said, as I winced at the conversation.



“I don’t understand. How was she a Vamp and now a hunter?”



“She well killed another Vamp, but not for self defense, or anything. She killed the Vamp just to kill it.” Jay said but sounded aggravated by all Leah’s questions.



OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?
It is a bit rough. Try describing your characters earlier or describing them separate from other character descriptions. Add details. Watch your grammar. Try describing what each character feels and does separately. Keep writing and do not loss hope. Even though you are young, your idea is interesting and will appeal to other people your age (like Youth Fiction does). Also I would suggest reading some writing help books to expand on your ideas. Good luck! Writing is hard, but rewarding in the end. OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?
it's ok it seems like you have the plot down but try to explain the characters more

and you could definitely learn more on expanding your work and making it sound more sophisticated

but you have time to learn all of that

keep writing

the more you write the better you'll get





answer mine please:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?
Whether we like it should not be a factor in your decision to continue writing. Never ask the general public to evaluate your work. Ask another writer, an editor or a writing teacher.



If you want to continue writing, by all means do. Don't let anyone decide that for you.OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?
I love vamp stories always have ever since the like 7th grade. Which was many years ago. Sounds good. Continue writing that's a beautiful talent!!OMG... SOME ONE HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!(do you like my book?)?
i would pay more attention in English class, and read more books