Any poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?

Remember



Life goes by so unbelievably fast,

I am not sure what to savor and what to let fly by.

We all change so much,

I feel as if I don’t know those I love with all my heart.



Life speeds far too fast,

I blink and it is moving already.

Time is unforgiving,

All of us are separated by it’s passing.



We all turn over yearbooks,

And remember as if it were yesterday.

And laugh and cry at the haunting memories,

That we hold on to get through life.



We say, “remember when…”,

And crack up while wishing we were there again.

We think back and wonder how it all fell away so quickly,

How we didn’t see the unknown future looming ahead.



We remember how life was and never will be again,

Because life, by nature, is too quick for it’s own good.

We read those messages as if from another time,

As though the sacred writings weren’t written for us.



So we remember and cherish,

But wish it were still here.

More then a memory,

Or a signature in a yearbook.



We try so hard to cling to the past,

When really all we have is the present and the future.

As we remember, we remark at the unfairness,

Of life, of time, not enough of it.



The memories haunt us,

We want so badly for it to stay as it is, as it was.

But that can’t happen,

So we remember, with sorrow, joy, and each other.Any poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?
OMG i love this poem!!!It's sooo good,and it describes me on wut i'm going throught right now!I love your poem sooo dang much!!!You are a great poet,whenever u have great poems just send them to me!I enjoy reading poems...and again i love your poem!Any poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?
it's very good, and i believe everyone can relate to it in some wayAny poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?
you are very talented...great poem n write MORE!Any poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?
Read my whole answer before you call me an ******. I AM an ****** but I want to help and I wouldn't bother unless I thought you could be helped - which is not true of 99.9% of people writing today.



It sucks.



But you knew that already.



YOU don't suck at all. You appear to be fairly young - HS grad perhaps. And it's clear that you had an objective for your poem, you stuck with that objective, you limited yourself to that one objective, and it is a worthwhile objective. The poem itself fell far, far short of the high mark you set for it.



Put it in a safe place. PRINT it out and put the hardcopy in a safe place. Because you're going to need to keep working on your writing for what may be a longer time than your laptop will be in use. That said, don't give up.



Almost all writing sucks today. Good writing requires two things. One, that what the writer wants to do is good (worthwhile, relevant, limited, etc...) and two, that the writer does what he or she set out to do. Most writing today lacks EITHER. You at least have the first one, or pretty close (borderline relevant - think, how much of others' poetry do you read?). The second one you don't have - yet. You need to read (and not just poetry) and you need to experience life.



Good POETRY requires a third and fourth thing. Third is economy - you sort of have this by default (it you had executed, you'd have written something else, so it's tough to tell). Fourth is that the poem, in form, physically embodies the thought. A poem is to a story what a snapshot or painting or sculpture is to a movie. A poem is more difficult to write than a story - it has to stand on its own. You seem to understand this.



And you clearly love poetry itself, for its own sake, not just because you have this image in your head of being a plaid-jacket-wearing, pipe-smoking literary type. So, I think you'll take this to heart and keep working.



My immediate advice? Read %26quot;Reading the Fights%26quot; - edited by Oates. Read %26quot;Summer%26quot; by Wharton. Dig up your high school English Lit book and read that short story Rocking Horse Winner. And go to bars and drink heavily and talk with the people in the bars. Go to baseball games. Travel to foreign countries. Drink and watch sports there. Talk to the bartenders. TALK to people. Find out what they're about. Have sex with them, move in with them, move out on them. Consider other art forms also - I'm pretty good with interior design/decorating too and I get most of my ideas from painting and sculpture. And for ****'s sake turn off the tv!!!!!



And in ten years revisit your poem.



Try this out:



%26quot;Gut Shot%26quot;



Loud crack and a sting.

Tongue feels around, chasing

single, salty-sweet drop,

losing it under thick lower lip.

Hand grabs abdomen.

Grabs - just makes a fist and lets go.



I wrote this my second year of college, and it was published in my third. Looking at it now I can probably dump line 4. I'm making an edit to something I wrote 17 years ago.



But even as originally conceived - I had something I wanted to depict and a point I wanted to make, I could do this economically and the form emphasizes the point. I remember it to the word and punctuation, even though it's one of a half dozen or so that I had published (OK granted it was the shortest).



Part of editing is going through it and saying to yourself %26quot;do I need this word/line%26quot; over and over and over again - as if it were someone else's.



Your submission isn't ready for that step yet.



Like I said, you knew that.



You know I'm right. Deep down you know that while you'd get some immediate satisfaction out of %26quot;proving me wrong%26quot; by getting your poem published as it stands now, a deeper fear is that fifteen years later you'd look at it and think to yourself how much better you'd have written it and how your name will be forever attached to this version, not the version you could write fifteen years from now.



I sense that fear in you and it is rare and I love it, which is why I gave you an honest answer.Any poetry fans? What do you guys think of my poem?
I really liked it.You know waht?I'm having the same problem,but with the summer problem.Last year it went slow,but now it went fast this year.And you know what it was way fun last year.But I love it no matter what.I'm in Florida.A lot of things happened to me this past summer.And yet again it feels like I was coming off the plain.I sure hope next year is slower.You know life is just a blink of an eye to the earth.Because the earth is a billion years old or more.You don't know.But I hate when the good moments turn into memories.You have to except that.It's all apart of everyday life.I hate time!It's not fair for the fun moments and memeries.Every second is a memory when it past.Just lok at it like that.